In all of my past blogs I've started, I have had a tendency to title the first post: "My First Post". But, I feel this blog to be different than the rest. So I am giving it a different start than the rest.
Last night, I was up late. I couldn't sleep. David and I went to bed around 11 PM, but I just laid there, listening to his steady breathing.
My mind was filled with so many thoughts. But, my greatest one was an incredible realization. I have been finding myself constantly thinking about how I wish to be in the future. I spend so much of my time in this thought: "Next year, it'll be different." Or: "Just a couple more months and I'll feel different." Or my greatest: "I can't wait until I can finally be like this, life will be so much better". I am constantly constantly constantly thinking about how, in the future, everything will be better. But, with all of these thoughts, I fear I am greatly wasting away at the present.
If I want something to change, why don't I work at changing it now? Why do I think that it will all just pan out in the future? With a lot of my thoughts and desires, I have gotten to this "future", but everything stayed the same. Nothing magically changed.
I think I learned an incredible lesson in all of this. If you want something to change, work on it now.
This might be fearful for some (including myself!), but doesn't it make the most logical sense? Yes, I know some things we want require a LOT of hard work. But, why don't we just suck it up, deal with the agony, and better ourselves? I'm tired of getting to the time in my life when I expected a change only to find everything the same, if not worse.
With the year coming close to an end, I feel the greatest need to not have any regrets in 2010. I don't want to wish I had done better; wish I had studied more; or wish I had practiced harder. I want to close the year with the satisfaction that I lived every day in the best, most fulfilling way possible.
I think I'm going to end this post with this thought: The things that will give you the most satisfaction are generally the things that are the hardest to do.
